I never thought I would even be considering dating in my 50’s. For someone who hasn’t gone on a date since the 90’s, the world is different in so many ways. Honestly, I am not even sure that I know where to start. I googled some dating sites for “mature” people but did not open any of them or look too far into them. The thought of being catfished or worse is kind of scary. I really just want to be able to meet people the old-fashioned way. However, I’m afraid that may have gone the way of newspapers and home telephones.
Recently, I met up with an old friend who had expressed an interest in maybe something more. I mainly went with the expectation of reconnecting with an old friend and seeing where it went from there. It felt fairly safe for a first “date”. I did take certain steps to protect myself though. I looked on OSCN (the Oklahoma state court network) website to make sure he was not an ax murderer. We met in a neutral location and then I took my car when we went to eat and explore. I also told a friend where I was going and what I was doing and checked in with her throughout the day.
At one point during the day he made the comment that I was still in love with my husband and he didn’t think I was ready for more. I told him that of course I was still in love with my husband-that was never going to change. It doesn’t mean that I don’t think I have room in my heart for someone else eventually. He asked me if had got rid of Tom’s clothes and if there were still pictures of him around the house. There will always be pictures of Tom in my home! Tom is always going to be with me. It made me think of one of the conversations that Tom and I had before he died. He wanted to be cremated. I asked him what he wanted us to do with the remains and he said “I want to stay with you if that’s okay”. I told him of course it was okay. Then he said “But you’re going to be young and what if you meet someone else? How are they going to feel about your dead husband’s ashes?”. I looked at him and said “Someone who does not understand is not going to be the right person for me”. I still remember the look of peace and relief that came over his face. If I ever date and/or fall in love again, that person is going to have to accept that I will always love Tom.
So, as I think about possibly venturing into the dating world as a 50something year old widow, what are your dating stories? What is your best advice? What kind of red flags do you look for?
As for this “date” that I went on, have a lot more to unpack and talk about from that, so stay tuned.
Cindy Burnham · October 23, 2022 at 3:25 am
Yes Tom will always be a part of you. It is so important for anyone in your life to be OK with you talking about him having pictures of him around your home. You are exactly right. It will be an extraordinary person who can accept you exactly the way you are. My advice, take your time no rush.
email@example.com · October 23, 2022 at 12:47 pm
Thank you Cindy! I am definitely not in a rush. It’s just been the last couple of months that I have even considered dating and I am still a little unsure about it.