Recently, I came across a TikTok where the lady was talking about how she had just divorced her husband of 18 years and how what had happened was “worse than death”. After watching three parts of her story, I have to agree that what they had gone through was horrible (he had a brain aneurysm and a stroke), but “worse than death”?

That just struck me wrong. I found it insulting to those of us who have actually lost a spouse. I know that divorce is a kind of loss. But it’s not the same kind of loss as having your spouse die. I have been through both, and they were both painful in their own ways. But Tom dying was much, much harder.

We knew Tom was dying and I did a lot of grieving before he died. I remember thinking that I was “ready” for it to happen. But nothing prepared me for the reality of him not being there every day. I can’t tell you how many times I walked into the bedroom after he died wanting to tell him something that happened. I even remember when I taught my first “live” class several months later, thinking during the day that I needed to text Tom and check in.

Loss and grief is a unique journey for everyone. I am not discounting what this lady is going through. But I still think that basically saying it would have been easier if her spouse had died is just wrong.

1 Comment

Mom · May 19, 2023 at 2:24 pm

Always thought you and Tom handled a very difficult situation with such grace and compassion. No regrets for either of you in dealing with the pain and loss of so much. Your loss and pain continue, but am grateful I do believe you have no regrets. I also believe if it’s your loss you feel it’s worse than any other, even though you know others feel the same. Proud of you!

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